What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
