we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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