i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
