I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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