I didn't shave. On purpose
I CAN MOONWALK!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
