and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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