dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize