if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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