i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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