so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
