I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
