he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
