Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
tell me about the fingering
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
