I got chris browned last night
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
