the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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