My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
