that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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