wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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