good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
