I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
