Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
