It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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