Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
