you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
