Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
