have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
