Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
