this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
