Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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