Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
