Your dad touched me again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
