I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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