Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
