she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
