she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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