I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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