If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
