like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
