saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
