there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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