i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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