you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
