Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
