Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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