If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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