This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cockslap morals
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
