Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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