I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
