I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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