why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
