I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
