it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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