we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
