I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
