By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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