last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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