"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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