Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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