If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
