What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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