yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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