Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
