Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish you could order shots online.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
