This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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