I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
