Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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