never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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