I just threw up on my dentist
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
