just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
